Pre-Market Notes: Writing this post trading, in drip office. Numb, even after collosal loss, I’m not phased. Not only were the losses collosal, but the manner in which I took them laughable. Not one single green trade among the 10 or so that I took. Just chopped up. I have something wrong with me, I must. I must have some subconscious bullshit going on. I neww not to trade, I wasn’t ready, I was up, late, and I had not enough time to really do anything, so out of frustration almost I opened the market and decided to trade. Opened the market 1 minute before open. got in short initially, then chopped around for 10 more trades. I have been considering quitting, quite seriously. Reading the laws of human nature and considering the mental space I was in when I took up trading, as something I was looking to save me from every negative in my life (“if I have more money I will be free”), it seems like the wise thing to do would be to walk away. I have been feeling this, maybe I’m sabotaging myself so I stop, and I can just blame it on some outward thing like ‘I’ve lost too much money’. I have no discipline at all. I am an impulsive, artistic, volatile person, and even if my analysis of the markets is improving—which I believe there is a strong argument in favor of this analysis—I have no emotional or mental discipline. None at all. I’ve built all these systems, then I don’t use them. I did not even open this today. Had I just opened this and checked my boxes, I would have been advised CLEARLY not to trade. and yet, out of frustration, out of desperation, out of anxiousness to ‘feel productive’ or feel like I’m being ‘active’ in my progression towards this goal of trading, I misconstrued action with progress and just dug myself deeper. All this said, I’m not financially devastated, and this is perhaps why this slow bleed is continuing, because I can ‘afford’ it. I’m making enough that these losses still amount only to a painful inconvenience. Still, thousands of dollars burned to exise my shitty mental state and subconscious self sabotage are dollars completely wasted. I have learned nothing.
End of Session Notes & Overview: